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AFFILIATES
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I gave up stroking the cat for Lent
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| Crabby |
Derby, UK |
| Coz the dog was getting jelous and bit off my small toe. |
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| NB |
Derby, SHIRE, UK |
| Because my bollocks kept arcing out when I wore nylon socks. |
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| adam |
derby, uk |
| cos she is my housemates bird |
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| wetpants |
the state of tipton, south canal side, uk |
| due to the fact that i keep coughing up fur balls when eating spam and eggs. |
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| daiduffel |
crankborough, pardon, uncle blighty |
| becaus i trod on somebody who fell over on an accident and hurt my fuuny bottom |
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| mIsTaH J |
U.K |
| Cos filling the page with spam was far more fun
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<div class=\"lhs\"> |
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| ian pox |
smellington, upyarn, earwegewagen |
| beacause im a toad and toads cant feel the colour yellow.
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| Joey |
Derby, uk |
| coz it bit my nipple of and made me eat its munge |
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| carl brogleish |
parden, garden |
| wot cat! who u callin a cunt? |
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| the beast (or so he likes to think) |
dirty derby, southside, UK |
| the puss wasnt wet enough ! |
|
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| Bristol Bob |
Bristol, Bristol, Bristol |
| Coz i live in Bristol |
|
| |
| aunty pat |
west yorks, chalksville, uk |
| keeps dropping disgusting smells around the house which smell a bit like egg and cress which is 16 days past it sell by date. dirty furry fucking cat. |
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| the cat |
|
| wot the fucks going on ere????? |
|
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| irlene dover |
swindon, dow yo know? |
| smelly hole! |
|
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| Brucie |
Derby, UK |
| I love mike xxx |
|
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| Kate Pink |
Derby |
| Matt does all the stroking of pussy when i\'m around |
|
| |
| Brucie |
Derby |
| coz my right arm was getting Massive! |
|
| |
| Dicky Mint |
Derby |
| Iv not stroked any pussy for nearly a year |
|
| |
| Robbie Lyon |
marketingsville, Derby, Uk |
| Coz dicky told me not to |
|
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| stein svennelak |
stockholm, sweden |
| traded the the fur ball in for a honda 90 on a 2 moth trial! |
|
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| Blake Beardsley |
Derby, Uk |
| Well i was gonna carry on but my missus and baxters missus kinda planned it and we only just found out so erm i\'ve sorta got to give it up can\'t really get out of it now - i\'m skint |
|
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| Scaramanger |
Bath |
| Yeah he told me to stop too |
|
| |
| Baxter |
Wherever amy is, uk |
| well my hair kept getting in my eyes because its so lush and long |
|
| |
| Ashley Marchbank |
London like |
| i was gonna carry on and kept saying i would but then just didn\'t and gave up |
|
| |
| Greatorex |
where ever baxter is |
| i want to be you baxter |
|
| |
| Marta |
Madrid, Espana |
| How you mean Cat? - like pussy happy fanny or pussy like tiddlesio? |
|
| |
| Gorm |
Dunno, Dunno, Dunno |
| Was gonna but threw a party instead. Dunno |
|
| |
| Munge Fuddler |
Earth |
| coz ive got round to buying batteries for me rabbit..... |
|
| |
| Vicente - you say like Bith-en-tay |
Valencia - you say like Vah-len-thia, Espana - you say like Ess-pan-yah |
| I prefer the other kind anyway with dingle dongle
you know>? |
|
| |
| Piss face |
Yellow stain land |
| Because he wouldnt piss in my face anymore |
|
| |
| Juan Pedro Gimenez Catalan |
Zaragoza, Spain |
| I gave it up for myself not because anyone told me or because of any subjective reason, i am my own man and made my choice myself i have no reason to do this except because it is for me
Oh and i have my own fur |
|
| |
| Gorm |
dunno, dunno, dunno |
| did i mention that.... sorry dunno.... |
|
| |
| Mark Scott |
limey\'s, Uk |
| My cravat kept slipping |
|
| |
| Ian Roome |
Leeds |
| Because i hurt myself when i think of cats
i hurt myself because then i feel real pain and only then do i feel alive |
|
| |
| Superman |
|
| I\'ll save the cat! |
|
| |
| banana dick |
togo |
| its exit hole became to big to through anything up there. |
|
| |
| Ben Taylor |
Spoiltston, Uk |
| I just couldn\'t be arsed - i don\'t need to practice stroking the cat do i? i mean it\'ll be ok on the night eh? |
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| Batman |
|
| No, i\'ll save the cat |
|
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| turkish |
derby, DERBY GRILL |
| i put the fucker in sheesh kabab....NEXT PLEASE! |
|
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| Adam Hague |
eeeenoooorrrrh |
| Well i dunno i stroked faster and slower and well sometimes it got faster and then sometimes slower and then sometimes it just went wrong completely
I think its like i dunno - i\'ll have a look in the book
ah fuck it |
|
| |
| George Lomas |
Ashbourne, uk |
| didn\'t smell of cow shit enough for me to go near it |
|
| |
| fred the carpet |
house |
| Coz it walked all over me |
|
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| Stu |
Brassington, Uk |
| Well what i thought was we could re-launch stroking after lent
We could sell tickets like at £4 a stroke - i know loads of people would do that we just need a venue erm and yeah the rugby team will come down
we\'ll be minted |
|
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| G unit football team |
Willows, Derby, uk |
| Touch! stroke, touch!
beat im kettle! |
|
| |
| Patchwork Grace |
Derby |
| then they might look at us not the cat |
|
| |
| The taxi driver |
|
| You talkin\' to me? |
|
| |
| Raj Singh |
Littleover, uk |
| Well its not right innit
the cat is like a cat innit so its like not there for us is it innit? or what like? |
|
| |
| Mr Blonde |
Warehouse |
| Are you gonna meow all day little kittie or are ya gonna bite? |
|
| |
| almost on the hit list |
|
| 5 to go |
|
| |
| Maverick |
Nottingham |
| \'cos i don\'t stroke da pussy baby, dat pussy got to stroke me! Roll on the \'rife! Don\'t want to share with Bruce because he\'s gay for me. Scared. Ta xx |
|
| |
| albert |
|
| bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla scratch my hole! |
|
| |
| Mr Tuminose |
|
| alright matey
given up as well matey
nice one matey |
|
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| Lewis Coburn |
Wales, erm england |
| yes laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad
get your cat out! |
|
| |
| The Moon |
|
| What cat, sorry was having a stroke. |
|
| |
| Dave Haynes |
Cardiff, Wales |
| i tell you what i\'d give im a right slap i would |
|
| |
| Micky Wescott |
Liverpool, uk |
| fucckhin cat? fuckkkhin great stroke but a shitty fucckkhin bum |
|
| |
| Rachel Knighting |
Manchester |
| if forgot to turn the fuckin cat stroker on so fuck it we\'ll have to make do with it |
|
| |
| Maverick |
Nottingham |
| Do they have cats in Tenerife? I\'ve only seen dogs... |
|
| |
| Iceman |
F15 |
| In club o Yeeeeees, loads of stroking material |
|
| |
| spiros |
tenerife |
| thin ones that survive only on horse meat |
|
| |
| bordem has settled in |
|
| glass of water??? dry?
|
|
| |
| abi |
heanor, uk |
| if it\'s not a prada cat i\'m not interested anyway |
|
| |
| Maverick |
Indian Ocean, Present Day |
| Who was covering Bruce\'s ass while you were showboating with that cat? |
|
| |
| Tom |
sandiacre, uk |
| eh? what was the question? |
|
| |
| Raeleen |
|
| riiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhht
cats
|
|
| |
| Iceman |
Maryland |
| This is a cat rich environment. |
|
| |
| Viper |
Uk |
| you were stroking the cat below the hard deck |
|
| |
| Reed |
San Fernando Valley |
| Do you ever go to Vince\'s out here? |
|
| |
| Jester |
Sweet home, Alah bama |
| i don\'t know
i just don\'t know |
|
| |
| Tod Parker |
Party Boys |
| I dont dance Fridays. |
|
| |
| Reed |
San Fernando Valley |
| Oh, no. I would\'ve seen you... |
|
| |
| Williams |
Harlem |
| So what do you think of this Han cat? |
|
| |
| The general |
|
| The cat was too old
i like young fragile cats |
|
| |
| Scotty J |
San Fernando Valley |
| I love your name, its really sexy. |
|
| |
| Everybody |
Everywhere |
| Lewis is a wanker |
|
| |
| Williams |
Harlem |
| woop woop woop woop. |
|
| |
| Brasseye |
London |
| Got any yellow bentines |
|
| |
| Johnny Utah |
LA |
| I\'m an F.........B..........I.........agent
thats why |
|
| |
| Williams |
Harlem |
| Man, you come right out of a comic book! |
|
| |
| Tone Loc |
Miami |
| And hes goin on like hes got nothin goin on, right then i knew, this cats got something goin down. |
|
| |
| Dirk |
|
| Your not my mother, your not my fucking mom... |
|
| |
| mandy |
mosside |
| swapped it for a burberry hat |
|
| |
| Vincent |
LA |
| I wont like it, but I gotta tell you. If it comes down to you or some cat who\'s wife you gonna make a widow, brother... you are going down. |
|
| |
| Rev Obidiah Steppenwolf |
Derby, UK |
| Don\'t look at me, i\'m irrelavent |
|
| |
| Auntie Munge |
Derby, UK |
| Up the IRA. |
|
| |
| lulahoop |
nottigham |
| because mike likes shaved ones and i think they look ugly without hair |
|
| |
| Edmund Ziegejunge |
Derby, Uargaay |
| Because every time I do, I\'m forced by God to murder a clown. |
|
| |
| Edmund Ziegejunge |
Derby, Uargaay |
| Because every time I do, I\'m forced by God to murder a clown. |
|
| |
| Deej NB* |
Derby, Nottazgaayazyuu, UK |
| can\'t type, i\'m wanking |
|
| |
| Bert Ackbala |
|
| Because I prefer rubbing them on my jumper and sticking them to the wall |
|
| |
| Maverick |
Miramar |
| Great idea! Let\'s go in the middle of the day. There they are, thousands of skinnies, all fucked up on cat... |
|
| |
| Tracey Penisdeath |
Penistone, Derbyshire |
| But ambassdor, with these Ferrero Rocher you are really spoiling us. |
|
| |
| Smiling Simon |
Chuffedtown, UK |
| My palms are already hairy enough |
|
| |
| Ronnie Titleg |
Derby, Bottyrider, UK |
| its was all going wel until Blondie shit his pants.... |
|
| |
| Deej NB* |
Blue Zone, Mycockstinks, UK |
| Cus i was sick of the bastard typing \'lol\' when the subject was clearly unfunny. |
|
| |
| Deej NB* remix (Tommy J) |
Arethozmoifeet, that boy band, them kids, UK |
|
It\'s not unusual to be loved by any cat
It\'s not unusual to have fun with any cat
but when I see you hanging about with any cat
It\'s not unusual to see me cry,
oh I wanna\' die
It\'s not unusual to go out at any time
but when I see your pussy out and about it\'s such a crime
if you should ever want to be loved by any cat,
It\'s not unusual it happens every day no matter what you say
you find it happens all the time
love will never do what your pussy wants it to
why can\'t this crazy love be mine
It\'s not unusual, to be mad with any cat
It\'s not unusual, to be sad with any cat
but if I ever find that you\'ve changed at anytime
it\'s not unusual to find out that I\'m in love with your pussy
whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh |
|
| |
| the cat |
|
| finished?
fuck u all. ill stroke meself. |
|
| |
| Martay |
|
| Coz iv just had a stroke in my ankle
|
|
| |
| Nicholas |
Derby, UK |
| Have you seen my bastard cat? if you have then you\'ll know why i gave it up for lent |
|
| |
| Big nose |
Derby-ish, Hooberville, UK |
| cos ill never give up curly wurly\'s.... |
|
| |
| Bez |
|
| Coz i was boozed up...
Just look at my eyes |
|
| |
| Flowin like Orinoco |
Where da massive goes I follows |
| And \'dat\'s why white kids loves \'ip\'op |
|
| |
| Jesus |
compton |
| Coz i was involved in a drive by shooting and lost both arms |
|
| |
| little d |
kettering, play offs please, uk |
| eh? ah - i slept through lent - sorry |
|
| |
| roxy |
peeeeeeet strasse, darby |
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